How It All Began...

Or how did we get here?

This is gonna start on a really low, depressing note but that is the opposite purpose of this blog.  I hit rock bottom.  I'm not an addict and I'm not homeless...but I'm lost.  And I didn't realize I was lost until I was hit in the head with the truth of it.  Literally.

On September 10th at 12:15am I was involved in a head-on collision driving home from work.  I was rushed to the hospital where I was admitted for head trauma, a knee injury requiring surgery, a broken wrist and some fractured ribs.  I was in and out of consciousness all night and the following morning because of the pain medicine and anesthesia but I remember seeing my family.  I remember seeing my husband and my six year old son and they looked so scared.  And I felt so sorry.

I didn't and I don't know what caused that accident.  It was late and raining, I had two glasses of wine with a coworker after finishing a double shift at work.  I'm still waiting on the results of my toxicology report but I do know that the accident is my fault and I'm not the only one who got hurt.

So while I "sit" and recover I have time to think and time to process and time to learn about myself.  And what I'm realizing is that I've been living this life all wrong the entire time.

1. I've claimed to be a completely secure person when in fact I'm completely insecure and have just been searching for acceptance from those around me whether they were important or not.
2. I agree with everyone and say yes to everyone so that I don't hurt anyone's feelings and in doing so I have taken time away from my family.
3. I claim to love work and keep myself busy when I actually do that so that I don't need to sit down and actually take responsibility for my life or my actions because I'm too busy going thru the motions.

There's more...there's so much more...

But...this is just the beginning or possibly a website that only I will read.  However, I'm taking this time to better myself.  To take the time to take care of myself, to clean out the closets both physically and mentally, to cherish the precious moments I have with my family that is in fact the MOST important thing in my life.

Now that I have brought the mood down...I'm excited to lift it back up through daily posts of excitement and inspiration.  Hopefully along the way I help someone else who may be dealing with the same types of issues I do.

Today's New Attitude:  INSPIRED